please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
