in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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