I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
