I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
