Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize