either way he was missing a nipple.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
