She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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