You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you win again, gameday.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
