I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
How does it feel to date your dad?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
