I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
