Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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