So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
