Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
