He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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