I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
