I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
