My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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