i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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