I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
