remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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