So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
