white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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