From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Randomize
