I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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