i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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