I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
