Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
