and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
