I'm lost and stupid without you.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
