Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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