who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
