So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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