Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
