I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
