Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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