dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
