I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
