am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
