I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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