Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
