As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
