just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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