It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
