That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
