Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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