I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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