omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
