No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
