im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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