Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
