Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
