i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
