I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
