So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
