I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
