I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
