My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
