Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
