can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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