We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
