Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
