i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
