why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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