Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
