this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
