Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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